Why I disappeared from my own blog

It's been a hot minute since I wrote anything on this blog.

 Two and a half years to be exact. And while there was a time that I, in a dissatisfied and imposter-syndrome fueled breakdown, deleted all of my posts and pledged to start again fresh it seems that I completely abandoned that notion and fucked off to god knows where to live my life away from my blog. My writing style, I imagine, has probably changed. Probably not for the better since I very rarely sit down to write anything that isn't a dumb 2 AM tweet, pressing send and then later deleting when I realise how embarrassing I am. I don't even use capital letters anymore. But for the sake of not looking like an illiterate fuckhead I'll try my best. 

I used to love writing, it used to be all I wanted to do. I dreamt of a life of wandering through life, pen in hand (okay, laptop in hand, but it's not quite as poetic, is it?), spilling my guts onto pages and pages and making a living from it. I don't want to grow up and have a normal job and drink coffee like a loser I cried. Well surprise bitch, life got you. I no longer right, not because I don't have time but because I don't have the motivation. Something I was so passionate about that I was desperate to succeed in ended up sucking the life out of me and leaving me loathing myself, paranoid I wasn't good enough. But my writing, or lack thereof, has suffered. And this is the first time I'm typing on my laptop in years. I won't lie, I turned it on today to play The Sims. And I'm probably still going to play The Sims after. But something popped into my head and I thought I would check up on my old blog, something that used to be a huge part of my life, and see how it's doing. After all this time when my domain name pops up for renewal I just leave it to autorenew, because apparently it still holds a tiny spot in my heart. But today for some reason, and I really don't know why, I was drawn back to my space on the internet and inspired to type up a little update for anyone who may still read my blog. And, apparently, a lot of you still do. I was absolutely blown away when I logged into Google Analytics out of curiosity just now. Seems my journalism degree (the half of it that I completed, anyway) is still coming in useful because my SEO skills are still pulling in views to this very day.

 As a side note, I beg you, please forgive me for my disgraceful spelling and grammar. It turns out I am an idiot without spellcheck. I speak two languages and I'm not good at either of them. 

 So what have I been doing you ask? In the time I've been away from writing life has changed. Mostly for the better. in 2018 I made it to Boston to see the New England Patriots take on the Kansas City Chiefs at Gillette Stadium. To see the Patriots play at Gillette was something on my bucket list, to see Tom Brady at quarterback and Gronk before he (fake) retired was amazing, and Patrick Mahomes in his first season as starting quarterback, honestly it was a dream and more than I could have asked for. And we won. I did however also get bit by a dog and now have a scar from my lip to my chin which isn't ideal but I'm ageing like shit anyway it's not too obvious now. October 2018, after texting for a month and all throughout my trip to America, I finally plucked up the courage to go on a date with a guy from Tinder. And we've been together since. And he's stuck with me for the foreseeable. 2019 I finally passed my driving test. I went back to Italy, where I decided to go up a mountain in shorts and ended up with Lyme Disease. I lived through a global pandemic blah blah blah didn't we all.

 I loved writing. I want to be better at it, I want to do it just for fun. I know that my adolescent fever dream of writing about my life is just that, I'm an adult now and it isn't going to pay my bills. But I want to write again. So please bare with me for my scruffy ramblings as I try to ease myself back into it, for my unformatted post because I have no fucking clue how to use any of the publishing controls anymore, for my incoherent typing and horrible spelling mistakes and lack of consistency. Because it would be nice if, in my scary grown up life in this horrible adult world I now live in, I had an escape. Something that I love to do.

 I hope you'll stay with me, and even if you don't thank you for taking the time to read this shit today.
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